Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of causing obesity has been perpetrated by louts.

The Mail can reveal that louts are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium said of the louts, "the day of the yob is upon us".